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Facing rejection, notably when it happens repeatedly, is anything but enjoyable. Someone is turning you down, delivering a clear “Not interested.” As a writer, I am familiar with setbacks. I commenced pitching articles half a century past, right after completing my studies. From that point, I have had two novels rejected, along with article pitches and many pieces. In the last two decades, focusing on personal essays, the refusals have only increased. Regularly, I face a setback frequently—adding up to more than 100 each year. In total, denials over my career exceed a thousand. By now, I might as well have a master’s in rejection.

But, does this seem like a complaining tirade? Far from it. Since, at last, at 73 years old, I have accepted being turned down.

By What Means Did I Achieve It?

Some context: By this stage, just about every person and others has rejected me. I haven’t kept score my success rate—that would be deeply dispiriting.

A case in point: recently, a newspaper editor rejected 20 articles consecutively before approving one. In 2016, over 50 book publishers vetoed my manuscript before one approved it. Subsequently, 25 representatives rejected a book pitch. One editor even asked that I submit my work less often.

My Seven Stages of Rejection

Starting out, every no hurt. It felt like a personal affront. It seemed like my writing was being turned down, but who I am.

No sooner a submission was turned down, I would begin the process of setback:

• Initially, surprise. Why did this occur? Why would these people be overlook my skill?
• Second, denial. Surely it’s the incorrect submission? This must be an administrative error.
• Third, dismissal. What do they know? Who appointed you to decide on my efforts? It’s nonsense and your publication is subpar. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, irritation at the rejecters, then frustration with me. Why do I do this to myself? Am I a martyr?
• Subsequently, pleading (preferably seasoned with delusion). What does it require you to recognise me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, depression. I’m not talented. What’s more, I can never become any good.

This continued over many years.

Great Precedents

Of course, I was in good fellowship. Stories of writers whose work was initially rejected are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each renowned author was first rejected. Because they managed to succeed despite no’s, then possibly I could, too. The sports icon was not selected for his youth squad. Many US presidents over the past six decades had previously lost elections. The filmmaker claims that his movie pitch and bid to appear were declined 1,500 times. “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle to wake me up and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he has said.

Acceptance

As time passed, upon arriving at my 60s and 70s, I entered the seventh stage of rejection. Peace. Now, I more clearly see the multiple factors why an editor says no. Firstly, an editor may have just published a similar piece, or have something in progress, or be contemplating something along the same lines for a different writer.

Or, more discouragingly, my submission is uninteresting. Or the editor feels I don’t have the experience or standing to be suitable. Or isn’t in the business for the wares I am offering. Maybe didn’t focus and read my work too fast to appreciate its quality.

You can call it an epiphany. Anything can be turned down, and for numerous reasons, and there is virtually not much you can do about it. Certain reasons for denial are always not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Others are within it. Honestly, my ideas and work may occasionally be poorly thought out. They may lack relevance and appeal, or the message I am struggling to articulate is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe a part about my grammar, especially dashes, was annoying.

The point is that, regardless of all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have managed to get published in many places. I’ve written several titles—my first when I was 51, my second, a memoir, at retirement age—and over a thousand pieces. My writings have featured in publications large and small, in local, national and global sources. My debut commentary ran in my twenties—and I have now contributed to that publication for half a century.

However, no bestsellers, no signings publicly, no appearances on popular shows, no Ted Talks, no prizes, no big awards, no Nobel, and no medal. But I can better accept rejection at 73, because my, small accomplishments have eased the jolts of my frequent denials. I can now be philosophical about it all now.

Educational Rejection

Rejection can be instructive, but when you pay attention to what it’s trying to teach. Or else, you will likely just keep seeing denial the wrong way. So what insights have I acquired?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What